A new Lesson I learned

This might raise some eyebrow but it’s really the truth. I know I’m obese but it did not bother me much because most of the westerners I am with at work are even bigger than I am and they are not considered obese. I did not watch my food I just take anything and everything in my plate and it did not even bother me even if the clothes that I have don’t fit anymore. My point of view before was, as long as there is something that still fits me I’m not yet really fat. I WAS SO WRONG!

Just this morning I don’t know but I woke up and I feel like vomiting, I did not eat anything yet so sure there is nothing to bring out but I still keep on vomiting like hell.  First thing that came into my mind was that food poisoning but I highly doubt it. I had some veggies the night before because thank god to my vegan cousin he came to visit.

Anyway I was really so worried so I need to wake up my younger sister to ask what was happening. When I told her what’s going on she immediately know that I’m having a hyper tension. So thank god she’s always ready she gave me some meds and to top it all the most disgusting thing, he asked me to chew fresh garlic and swallow it, the smell alone already kill me how much more with the taste but really I did not care much about the taste and the smell, if I want an instant relief I need to do what she asked me to do. In less than 2 hours I was feeling better.

Now I realize that I really need to fix my diet and my lifestyle. If I want to live longer I need to really do something. This is not about wanting to be sexy anymore, this is all about living a good and healthy life.

Wish me luck J

A Mistress Not

I don’t know if anyone (I highly doubt it) has this experience. My dad came by to visit today from the countryside. I was so happy of course till he told me about the news that has been going on for quite a while back home.

It’s been sometimes now that the story of me being a mistress has been circulating. Wow really now I’m a household name back home for the very wrong reason.

I don’t know where the idea did came from but to be honest it’s not a shocking thing, back when I was still living there I know that every girl who stays or even seen dating a man for a very long time, and they are not married are being branded as mistresses.

My Bf (if he still is) is not married so why do this people call me such name, ugh! It’s really annoying.

On the other note I already gave up! With all those days that I think he was busy and don’t have access to the internet I later on learned that he just changed everything. From email address to facebook account and what not.

Well it’s about time to let go. 

Card Game With my Babe

Memory down the line:)

while looking for online card games to kill the time. I suddenly remember the time we spent together playing card games. He's really good with it. Sometimes I accuse him of cheating just to get away with the punishment :). He knows the trick but he lets me get away with it. I guess that's how much he cares.

I'm thinking of buying a card tomorrow so I can practice. Who knows when he comes back we can play again may maybe I'll win.

sigh! I miss him real bad

Bad news are Noises I Dread to Hear

I don't know but looks like I open my year with too much salt and lemon. Ian left without a trace to start it all  then I lost a client, then I got sick and since I had my red flag last December it did not stop. I wen't to the doctor to ask why I'm still bleeding just after she gave me medication with a promise that it will soon stop after two days.

Then she advice me to have an ultrasound which I did. I don't know but the doctor doing the ultrasound (my first time so I did not know that they need to put that dick like thing inside your opening) keep asking me if I had an operation before which I never did. He asked me if I got preggy I said no which is the truth.

I don't know but he keep asking me if I gave birth and I did not (I wish I did). So after the ultrasound I took the result and went to my doctor. Then he explained to me things I can't even comprehend bottom like is that she is advising me to get a raspa or sometimes called as dilation and curettage. This will cost an arm and a leg darn it.

I don't know what to do not, I'm already so stressed like hell and I don't like to be stressed more cause I might give in already to insanity.

Getting the job and Failing them

I wish there is a way to punish people who advertise false information on the newspaper, but then again it's the fault of the people who's buying it.

Well I really had a rough day today, I wish I'm not going to have a rough night! I was still so sick but still have to wake up when I can't, to attend a job interview. I was thinking I should really make a sacrifice if I want to get this job, it's the best job offer so far.

I was running late so I took a cab which is really a luxury to me. spending 20 times the amount of what I should normally spend if I took the Jeep  but since I want to impress my future boss by being on time I close my eyes and took a cab.

I was early as expected so I waited for a bit. I was really nervous. Then my time came, so to make it all short I passed the interview and I was hired. (nope don't congratulate me yet) So of course they were too quick to lay down their cards, so they told me that I am the luckiest candidate of 60 and sure I am happy. BUT they offer php20,000/month in the newspaper and now they are telling me that they are going to give me 7,000/month which means just a transportation fee for a few months, and they don't know how long the training would be and not even sure if I am going to have a full time job after the training.

That is flat out ridiculous to its maximum limit. Well I don't wan't to be rude so I went on the 4 hour training until I can't bare it anymore and excuse myself. I am required to report tomorrow afternoon I just said yes but NO! The training don't bother me at all it's the pay that concerns me.

The training consist of me working 9 hours a day, second shift with nothing to expect but a wish to be hired and a transportation fee. I have mouth to feed and no I don't think I would like to work for free. I'm not going to spend so much time, effort and money in exchange for the promise of maybe.

No wonder no matter how high their offer is they are still advertising every week because who the hell would accept that kind of offer specially if their location is not accessible my public transportation.

well lesson learned:( the hard way.

Sweet Isolation

 It’s been 3 days that I’ve been staying in the basement. Like someone with a plague no one would dare to come near me unless they are bringing my food. Somehow I feel like a princess, I’m not doing anything and yet food comes my way just when I need it. My evil mind would think that it’s nice to be sick but when I think about work it brings me to my senses.

I have been isolated to this basement before as well but not because I am sick, it’s because I’m doing a painting and I don’t need to be disturb, those where the first few months in painting school. These days I don’t even know if I can still hold a brush and paint something. This basement too was my first office. I was given the privilege to work at home back in 2010.

A lot of memories about this basement but today it’s something I don’t want to go through again. I don’t really get sick often but when I get sick it’s really bad and it takes days before I can recover. I don’t have the luxury of time tomorrow is my interview with another job. I don’t know what my new business would become so I am really looking for a fall back just in case things won’t work. I applied for a job and fortunately after a week of waiting I got a call from them just this morning.

Wish me luck on this interview.

An Ex and a Friend

It's been 2008 since I last saw him. We use to attend the same university and work in the same company for two years. We were an Item back in the university but broke up for no reason. I mean we just decided we are so pissed with each other for no apparent reason and we are not happy with the relationship anymore.

We graduated and both moved on with our lives, but later on did I realize that we will be working in the same company and well he is one of those guys whom I got to kiss their ass. In short he belongs to the administration. Fortunately enough we did get along well we even became friends.

Just this morning while updating my facebook I saw him online and I sent him a message. He's in KSA right now, a crew of pizza hut. I am so happy for him. We chatted for a while we started to talk about our job, relationship and it was really funny cause I did not really expect this to happen at all.

He is married to a teacher with one kid and I am engage to a man I don't know if he's coming back or not, but since I love him so much I am willing to wait, Penelope style haha! anyway it was something I never expect but I am so happy that at least we still get along well separately than being together.

Anyway just a few seconds ago I tried to call him again and same thing happen the phone went dead. I decided to call his elder sister who is here in the Philippines and told me that they too did not receive any news from my bf since the day he went to the US. Well I am wishing and hoping he is alright.

Suddenly realizing what's Going on

I did really promise myself while making this blog that it won't be a blog about tragedies I'm going trough but It looks like It's going that way. No matter how much I avoid it I can't help but think of my BF and our strange relationship.

It's been ten days since he wen't away and I do really miss him, what keeps me awake in the middle of the night is the fact that he don't answer my call and he don't reply to my messages. I feel like I am nothing to him now that he is already on the verge of achieving his dreams.I don't really want to think about it but it just keep coming back into my head.

I miss him really bad it's making me crazy even more not to have communication with him. I use to feel so secured but now I feel so alone. I know we are really so far away from each other but I feel like he don't think about me at all.

BUT I'm not giving up! I still have faith in him. I trust him with all my heart that he won't just dump our five year relationship. I still trust him when he told me that he loves me and he will come back home to me.

Do we have a psychopath in the Neighborhood?

Just another day at the office it’s just me, Gigi and her husband Chester.  I would say It’s just another boring day but it’s not really boring since we are too busy working. I am working in a Tea company where we sell loose tea leaf online. Truth is we just started the business so it’s still hard to see if we are really going somewhere.

BUT that’s not really the reason why I can’t wait to type something on my blog. Just like any other day since the office is not too far from my place I walk home (doctors suggestion).  I was so furious when I arrive home and I saw a dead chicken on my front yard. It’s not because I have chicken but it’s because I don’t have one. The neighbor might think that it’s because I don’t have chicken then I am so jealous enough to start killing those poor animals. (yeah I can’t believe it that that was the first thing to come into my mind).

I started to ask the neighbors if they own that chicken and no one think they own it. I  have one more neighbor to ask but no one is around someone told me that the mom is still at work and won’t be home till 8pm. The kids are home but what do they know I asked them anyway.

The shock of the day!!! One kid told me that her older brother age 13 killed the chicken. I asked why and he told me it’s for fun. He’s just 13 and practically I’m bigger than he is but at that moment I feel so terrified. How could this 13 year old boy think that killing animals are just for fun, I also learned that this boy killed a really big nice dog his father love so much. I don’t know how he did it but his younger sister told me that he killed it slowly using a baseball bat. I couldn't take it anymore so I just went home clean my front yard went inside and lock all the door.

I sometimes laugh at myself being so terrified with that boy but I just can’t help it, and no matter what logic I think not to feel afraid all the more, I feel so afraid. The real crime or whatever crime drama I read or watch did not help either.

Until now I still think about it and one question terrifies me the most: If he doesn't find pleasure in killing animals anymore what would be next? I don't know and I guess I don't want to know.

No answer Then It went Out of Coverage Area

I really miss my BF so I tried to call him again. After 21 calls with no answer the phone went offline. Well I don't know but I guess time to get busy again with work. I already cried enough last night not going to cry again today.

A Pool of Dirt

I don't know how to start it all, but I just finish my last post yesterday and my computer is already off, getting ready to go to bed, (oh yeah it's 11:30 pm) when I heard a loud noise from the second floor of our house. I suddenly realize it's my brother-in-law. I don't know but it urges me to go upstairs to check on what's going on.

There I saw my brother-in-law crying, somehow I already know what's going on but I stood there and listen to what he is about to say. He was pointing fingers to my younger sister (his wife) about her infidelity which my sister doesn’t want to admit. It really hurts to say this and it should not be coming from me but his accusation is true.

It hurts to see my sister being tortured like this, but I can't really take sides, deep inside me I will always take my sisters side whether she is wrong or right but this time I can’t say that out load because she was the one to blame in all this mess and her mistake was really something unforgivable. People would understand if she is not legally married but she is legally married with a kid so there is really no excuse for finding another man.

I talked to her just after her husband left and I asked her if those things are true. She lied (I know it's true because I saw it myself), she told me that her and this man with some other people just inter the hotel, they were not alone, I want to slap him real hard but she was already crying so I just hold my temper.

No matter how much I press her to admit the truth she just won’t listen and she really did put in her tiny brain that she will never say sorry. Sigh! 

I was really reserving this so I can write it some other day but I just can't really put it off. I feel like I need to write it so I can release all the negative energy surrounding this matter.

I never claim to be so clean like a white cloth, I have all my mistakes and I know that most of them are unforgivable but I still know what is right and wrong.  I know that knowing what is black and white doesn’t mean I have the right to judge other people. Just that in this case I just can’t help but react because in the very first place it’s my family who’s on the line and to top it all it’s not just us who is affected. It may affect the future family I might have in the future. I hate people who gave other brand to other people just because of what other family member did but I have no control of them. My fear is to be branded as a woman who can’t be trusted just because my sister is someone who sleeps around with other man while she’s married.

I don’t know I just feel like shit…

A Day To Remember

I Heard His Voice
I don't know why I decided to call my BF's roaming number. To what I have learn you can call it these days unlike before. So I dialed the number and to my surprise it ring. Someone answered the phone it was not him but I asked him to call for the guy who owns the number and he did (god bless him). I have to turn of the phone cause it's really causing me a lot then i dialed again after sometimes. I don't know but I started to cry when I heard his voice. We talked for a few seconds and there it goes off the line.

When I tried again I cant call him anymore it says unable to connect. I don't know what's really going on but I hope he did not block me. He sent me a message that he is thinking of me and he still loves me. He ask me not to cry and he told me that I still hold his heart. I don't know because right now I'm hurting and I don't know why. I feel like he's not interested anymore but I am still holding on. I want to wait no matter how long.

I love him and people may call it stupidity but I am willing to wait.

Gosh the more I think about it the more I cry. Damn I really miss him so bad.

A Visit to the Doctor
So it's been long over due. I was supposed to go see a doctor before and after x'mas but my doctor is out of the country. She is the only doctor I trust, I have tried the other doctors and all they ask me to do is do a lot of laboratory test which I already did before but still wants me to do it all over again and I have to do it at their recommended laboratory. (NO WAY).

Anyway fortunately I was able to have an appointment today and have my check up. I have been bleeding for few weeks now and I am afraid of what ever is happening to me. I started to breath normally when he told me that it's not something serious (for now) but I need to take medication. The tablets and capsules are so expensive but I really need to take them.

Things I need to do
1) Weight lose - I am obese my height and age is not proportion to my weight. I am 20kg over weight than my required weight.
2) Diet
3) exercise
4) work hard earn a lot - this is the most important part of this years changes in my life. I really need to learn how to handle money.

Long Distance

Long distance relationships are not as easy as other people may think. Specially if there is no communication between two lovers.

I had a taste of it a few days ago. People say that the first few weeks are the hardest, after that you will get use to it and it will be something normal again. I hope so. He left 4 days ago and the last message i got from him was, he is doing fine and he will go on board the ship the following morning and he told me that he loves me.

I don't know but i feel insanely crazy about this thing. I already miss him like crazy! This was not the first time but the first time was in the same continent. We have been together for nearly five years now and this is the first time he will go outside Asia.

I am just hoping this will be okey soon enough cause if it will continue like this I might go insane :). I hope him all the best at work and hopefully he's not taking it hard as I do. It's already hard for me but thinking that he's in the same shoes as I am is killing me.